Always
by Jormus
Summary: Morgana divides Jim's troll half and his human half, before they can rejoin he must accept himself.


Barely held upright by his arm around Claire's shoulder and Toby's around his waist; Jim stared at the creature before him. It stood easily over eight feet tall. It was all muscle and stone covered in glowing armor. Jagged plates of teeth flashed in its open maw as it roared at Morgana driving her off with powerful strokes of the sword Eclipse. Its tail, longer than the average troll's, lashed in rage.

All at once she vanished in a flash and the creature turned to look at him.

Jim's clear blue eyes met the troll's. Its… _His_ eyes were solid red with only narrow slits, like a snake's, for pupils. They stood still for a moment simply staring at each other

It was utterly terrifying. More beast then troll and yet…

It was him. It was Jim.

If he had been asked before this if he wanted to be human again. He would have responded with an emphatic yes. He had missed his humanity, longed for it, but now that he was human again he felt… empty.

When Morgana had separated his human half from his troll half, it felt as if she had torn out all his life, his energy, his purpose, leaving nothing but a hollowed shell, stewing in emotions but with no power to act on them.

* * *

Jim stared down at the human before him. It was so weak, unable to stand on its own, staring up at him with a mix of fear and something else he couldn't understand.

He felt so different now with his humanity gone. Stronger, faster, more powerful. All his senses were enhanced putting everything in high definition and yet…

It was wrong.

He looked down at his best friends.

He wanted nothing more than to protect them, to keep them safe, but right now all his emotions were tinged with rage. Every nerve was a live wire. He felt like a tiger pacing its cage; angry and a little fearful, ready to lash out at any moment. He needed more than that if he was to care for them.

He stared down at his human self again. He needed him. He needed to be whole again. He might be strong and powerful, but that wasn't all there was to him. It couldn't be. He needed to be kind as well, to be loyal and trusting and... _Vulnerable_.

That vulnerability was what had driven him to rely on others… to trust. To offer forgiveness where he might not have otherwise. Relying on his friends made him stronger. Not physically, but were it counted most.

He took a step forward, extending a clawed hand.

* * *

Jim watched as the behemoth across from him moved forward.

He found himself trying to understand what he was seeing. He knew there was a part of him that was angry, terrifying in its intensity. Sometimes he found that he scared himself. Some days he thought he shouldn't be around other people lest he hurt them.

And yet…

That part had always been there. Perhaps being a troll had made it more obvious, but he had been still human when he had killed Angor Rot and Bular. He had been human when he went to the Darklands and fought to the death against monsters in Gunmar's Crucible all for a child. He had been still human when he had threatened Strickler with a sword to his neck and only stood down because his mother's life was at stake. He had been human when he punched Steve.

As much as he feared that part of him he needed it. He needed to be strong, driven and, yes, even a little ruthless to protect those things he cared about.

He took a staggering step forward aided by his friends and his other self mirrored him.

He needed both the things he loved in himself and the things he didn't. Becoming half troll may have been a decision he would always have doubts about, but it was who he was now.

Troll, human, or something in between, what truly mattered was that he still had people who loved him. That he could protect them. If he had that maybe then he could accept what he was.

* * *

They met in the middle. Claire and Toby handed their friend off to the other version of himself and watched with bated breath.

* * *

Jim looked himself in the eye and was quiet for a moment, and then he leaned forward and embraced his other self, tears streaming down his face. Something that had been broken and knotted up in his chest for a long time began to heal. Magic swirled around him returning two halves to one whole and, for the first time since that fateful day that he took Merlin's potion, or perhaps even before, he knew…

He was himself.

He had always been.

And that was _good_.

* * *

**Author Note:**

**This is based off of a scene in Steven Universe (If you've seen the show you will know what I'm talking about) Jim is a very different person from Steven, so I think he would have a bit more struggle in accepting himself. Based off the scene in the deep and a few other things I can say with a decent amount of certainty that he's even scared of himself. So I tried to capture that here.**

**Be sure to check out Mintypupcake's awesome artwork on Tumblr that I based this on.**

**And let me know what you think!**


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